Don’t worry Prince; I’ve bought a rope from Homebase. I’ll be with you in five minutes. Wait there.”
That’s the problem with me, as I have often been told; I am too independent, which can translate as frosty on occasion. I know I am a little volcano, it just depends how enamoured I am. But, I see the point, I am not exactly the type of woman waiting to be rescued, or taken away to a tropical island. When I try the wait and see approach, nothing happens with men. Hence, I always have my own little schemes of my own as to what to do next.
Some time ago I had a surprise call from my ex-employer wanting to keep in touch. My first thought was, what does she want? However, now that she does not pay me, can I relax? Well only up to the point, I mentioned, as a single woman I am very busy and working very hard. She is allergic to the word ‘single’. When I left her employment, we went for a farewell meal together and she said in a year I would be married with children now that I have met her. I often thought her more likely to be hiding a broom stick rather than a magic wand. Incidentally she was clearly wrong
I was invited to France, but I know what would have been on her agenda, match-making. She is a modern day, Russian Emma. I imagine her check list to go something like this:
• Own yacht. • Low number of ex-wives. • Will consider adoption, (less work for the wife. • Has a discrete mistress, (less work for the wife.) • Will hire a number of slaves, (less work for the wife.) • A million credit cards because both wife and mistress are supposed to look perfect, they can’t have a job. Looking good is of utmost importance.
As opposed to my very honest Dutch friend:
• Good in bed. • Can afford to buy his own clothes. • Speaks five languages and was self taught. • Byronic moodiness. • Will not have a clue how to help you round the house. He spent his time learning five languages. Doh!
That just leaves me to figure out my own list! I think that will take about five years, and people wonder why Helen Fielding sold loads of books.